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Funny Inspirational Quotes Biography

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Caution: I drive like you do!

Strangers have the best candy

Save the Earth, it's the only planet with Chocolate

No, I don't have PMS. I just really hate you.

My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it's gone

I didn't ask to be a princess but if the crown fits...

I'm a cruel and heartless bitch but I’m damn good at it

I brake for scholars, priests, and no apparent reason

Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go

" I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth!"

" Watch out for the idiot behind me!"

Moooooove, I'm trying to speed!

Buckle up... it makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car

I break for........................OH SHIT NO BRAKES

There are 2 types of pedestrians, the quick and the dead.

Learn from your parent’s mistakes use birth control.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

All men are idiots, and I married their king.

Friends help you move; real friends help you move the body.

Very funny Scotty; now beam down my clothes

Low riders are for little boys who can't get it up.

Saw it, wanted it, threw a fit, Got It!!

Want to get laid? Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait!

Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young

We're not old people we're recycled teenagers!

If you're rich, I’m single!

IF THIS STICKER IS GETTING SMALLER, THE LIGHT IS PROBABLY GREEN

YOUR TURN SIGNAL IS STILL ON

IT'S IMPOLITE TO STARE

U.S.M.C. UNCLE SAMS MISGUIDED CHILDREN

Eternity: Smoking or Non-Smoking?

I wasn't born a bitch; men like you made me that way.

I love to give homemade gifts, which one of my kids do you want

They didn't let me out, they just gave me a day pass!

(Front Bumper) If you can read this, I didn't hit you hard enough.

...and i should care, why?

0-60 in 15 minutes!

100% Irony Free

100,000 Sperm And You Were The Fastest?

186,000 Miles/Second: It’s Not Just A Good Idea, It’s The Law!

3 kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.

7 days with out Jesus makes one weak

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

A church alive is worth the surprise!!

A clean car is a sign if sick mind.

A day without sunshine is like, night.

A Day Without Sunshine Is Like, You Know, Night

A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.

A Mouse Is An Elephant Built By The Japanese

A nuclear war can ruin your whole day .

A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.

A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind

Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

Adrenalin is my drug of choice.

Adults are just kids with money.

Age is a high price to pay for maturity

Air Pollution Is A Mist-Demeaner

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.

All generalizations are false.

All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.

All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets

All Men Are Idiots... And I Married Their King.

All my drinking buddies have a racing problem.

All stressed out and nobody to choke!

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Always Remember: You’re Unique, Just Like Everyone Else.

AMERICA-Love It Or Leave It!

Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.

ANGER IS MERELY DEPRESSION WITHOUT ENTHUSIASM!

Another brilliant mind ruined by higher education.

Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.

Anything Free Is Worth What You Pay For It

Are you following Jesus this close?

As If

As Long As There Are Tests, There Will Be Prayer In Public Schools.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Ask me about micro waving cats for fun and profit.

Ask me about my vow of silence.

Ass, gas or grass, nobody rides for free.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. - Dorothy

Avoid Hangovers; Stay Drunk

Ax Me About Ebonics

Baby on bored

Back the badge

Back Up My Hard Drive? How Do I Put It In Reverse?

BAD COP! - NO DONUT!!!

BARBIE AIN'T HERE!.

Be Human.

Be nice society already sucks.

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Be Nice To Your Kids; They’ll Pick Out Your Nursing Home.

Be the kind of friend you'd want.

Be the kind of person you always wanted your parents to be.

Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He will clean them.

Beam me up Jesus.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

BEER, Helping people have sex since 1865.

Beer: It’s Not Just For Breakfast Anymore.

Beer: making woman look better since 1965.

Beer: The Reason I Get Up Each Afternoon

Before giving someone a piece of mind be sure you have enough to spare!

Behind every successful man there is a woman, behind every unsuccessful man there are two.

Believe in Darwin; cancer cures smoking.

Bill Clinton 89% Fact Free

Bite Me!

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

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